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July 30, 2010

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He makes me laugh.

I can't stand him either.

hi dr.phil how are you going i am you bigget fan and can you leave singuare and i an only 7 and i lsay your name all the time

goodbye
love
nathan

Nathan,

Thank you for being my "bigget" fan.

As I am not fluent in Italian, and my Venetian chauffeur has left the mansion for the evening, I do not know what a "siguare" is and therefore cannot leave one for you.

I appreciate you saying my name "all the time". Please do not stop. Even if it bothers your parents. Especially if it bothers your parents. You should run around your home turning the lights on and off while yelling my name at the top of your young lungs.

Parents love kids that yell my name while flicking the lights on and off.

That is the secret code for "please give me a bowl of ice cream or I will eat all the sugar from the sack that mommy has placed in the pantry."

Parents love it when their kids eat sugar by the handful. If you have a younger brother or sister, get them to eat lots of sugar too.

Remember Nathan, eat sugar, run around your home yelling my name, and flick the lights in whatever room your parents are in. Especially when they have their friends visiting.

Your Good Friend,

Dr. Phill

Hi Nathan,

It's Dr.Phil again.

My housekeeper, who is from Sicily, just told me what a "singuare" is, and I'm afraid I cannot leave one for you without getting sent to jail.

Your father would have to take you to Vegas when you turn eighteen and get one for you.

Until that time, Nathan, you should find your parents credit cards and go to my website and buy lots of my books.

Because reading is good and reading my books is better.

While you are reading my books, I think you should be comfortable. So be sure to buy Dr. Phil slankets and snuggies to keep you warm. While you are at it, Nathan, buy a set of can cozies to keep your parents grown-up drinks cold.

Do you like watching TV, Nathan?

You should buy all of my DVDs.

Remember, Nathan, parents love kids who do things for themselves, and what a way to show that you are a big boy and probably don't need any more naps than to use their credit cards and tell them about it later.

You can say that you are a grown-up, grown-ups have alot of things on their minds, and having alot of things on your mind, you just forgot about going into your parents' purses or wallets.

Remember Nathan, yell my name nonstop, eat lots of sugar, use their credit cards to buy lots of books and things from your good friend Dr. Phill.

Your Good Friend,

Dr. Phill

hi dr phil i like you and i like lots of sugar too c an i hav diner at yor hous

kyle

Kyle,

Thank you for writing. I see how public school has had a big influence on you.

I am glad you like sugar. You should be like Nathan and say my name, loudly, all the time after having lots of sugar. Be sure to run around your home as you do this, and knock a few things over, or off of shelves too.

Picking up after kids is what moms like to do best, so give your mom lots of stuff to pick up, OK?

Especially in the grocery store.

You should yell my name as you run around in the grocery store knocking stuff off of the low shelves. Especially if your mom wont get your favorite cereal or candybars.

You know where those icky vegetables are in the store? In those bins?

Climb up there and start throwing the stuff around. While yelling my name.

If you do this enough times, I, Dr. Phill, will hear about it and may invite you and your mom and dad to be on my show!

That would be better than having dinner with me, right, Kyle?

I'll even make sure that there are plenty of Pixie Stix, Mallomars, Oreos, and soda pop just for YOU to have before you go on my show.

Your Good Friend,

Dr. Phill

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