The following is a dramatization of an actual conversation. No, wait... think of it as a factionalized radio play. Like Orson Wells in 1938, only with coffee instead of Martians.
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(Full disclosure: I LOVE my fixit guys. They’re great folks, they’ve treated me well over the years and have never, EVER let me down. But someone has to play the foil here).
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The date: Friday, November 16th 2018
The setting: My driveway, Milwaukie Oregon
The incident: Espresso machine on the fritz—calcium buildup clogged a jet
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👨🏻🔧 Tech guy: “Wow, Bruce, I love your new truck! Did you decide to sell your old one?”
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👤 Me: “Not exactly.”
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👨🏻🔧 “No? So where is it?”
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👤 “Long story.”
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👨🏻🔧 “Can you make a long story short?”
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👤 “💥”
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👨🏻🔧 “Oh. 😳”
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[enters vehicle]
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👨🏻🔧 “Bruce, are you kidding me!? You still have the same 85-FCS espresso machine?”
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👤 “Nope. Not kidding.”
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👨🏻🔧 “How long have you had it?”
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👤 “24 years.”
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👨🏻🔧 “Man, I was still a little kid then.”
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👤 “🙄”
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👨🏻🔧 “Have you seen the new machines? They’re pretty sweet! You push a button, walk away, when you come back it’s all done for you. We can set you up with one.”
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👤 “I’m a barista dammit, not an elevator operator.”
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👨🏻🔧 “Suit yourself. But it’s getting harder and harder to find parts for these old semi-automatic machines unless you order them directly from Italy. How much longer do you plan on keeping it?”
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👤 “Until either it dies, or I die. It was built in 1993, I was built in 1952. It’s a race to the finish.”
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👨🏻🔧 “But you’re just going to have to keep repairing it whenever something goes wrong.”
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👤 “And that wouldn’t be the case if I bought a new machine? 😏”
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👨🏻🔧 “Good point. They aren’t anywhere near as well built as this one. And they’re expensive. And maintenance is more expensive.”
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👤 “So how much would a new machine comparable to this one set me back?”
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👨🏻🔧 “About $8,000-$9,000.”
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👤 “Eight or nine thousand. And today is my first service call with you guys in over two years. And how much is my bill for fixing it today?”
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👨🏻🔧 “Hmmm... add the one, carry the three... looks like around $340.00.”
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👤 “And there’s the answer to why I won’t buy a new machine. I may be old, the machine is old, it may be getting harder to find parts for it, but the math just doesn’t work out. Plunking down eight or nine large at this point in my life for something I don’t want, don’t really need, can’t really afford and is festooned with blinking lights and push buttons ain’t exactly my thang.”
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The new Javamobile may be new wave, but its Skipper is old school. So too is all its inner gadgetry. The La San Marco FCS lives to brew another day. ☕️
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