STUMPTOWNBLOGGER

LINDNER’S WORLD

Stop me if you’ve heard me say this before. You know what I hate? What I really, REALLY hate?

I hate plumbing. I HATE IT!

What started out as laundry day ended up being an adventure in hoses, wrenches and bloodied knuckles. I ran a load of towels around 4:00 am, then sat down to read some news. But something didn’t sound right. The sound of Multnomah Falls was emanating from my laundry room. I shut off the washer. The sound continued.

The hot water hose had an aneurysm. Then it ruptured. I hadn’t even had my coffee yet. Or a shower. Now I’m standing in 1/2” of water inside my house.

No problem. I have two spare washer hoses in the garage.

Yes problem: No gaskets. They didn’t come with gaskets. What kind of washer hose is sold without gaskets? 😫

So I waited until Lowe’s opened at 8:00 am. They’re about four miles away.

I drove to Lowe’s, grabbed some gaskets and hustled back home. I put the gaskets in the hoses. Then I discovered the hoses are too short. I need 5’ hoses and the hoses from my garage are only 3’ hoses. 🤯

Story of my life. Hose too short to git ‘er done.

Back to Lowe’s I went.

Me: “I need some 6’ washer connection hoses.”

Help desk: “Aisle 16 sir.”

I’m at aisle 16. There are lots of hoses. Even steel braided hoses. I grabbed those. Up to the checkout I went.

Checkout clerk: “$28.99 sir.”

I reach in my pocket. No wallet. I left my goddamn wallet at home.

Back home I go. I. Am. PISSED 😤 . I grab my wallet. Back to Lowe’s I go.

I buy the 6’ steel braided washer hoses... 👉🏼 WITH FOUR GASKETS 👈🏼 (Yes, I checked first).

I return home. I install them. I mop the floor. I check all four connections for leaks. No leaks. Which reminds me, at this point I need to take a leak.

I shower. Make coffee. Run a load of laundry. Everything’s kosher. 👌🏼

Eight hours from first attempt to wash my socks and skivvies to mission accomplished. EIGHT HOURS. And 24 miles on my car for three (3) round-trips to Lowe’s.

There are humans living in orbit around the Earth right this very minute. We all carry highly advanced computers around in our pockets and purses. Yet we still move water from point A to point B the same way the Romans did. In tubular conduits that rupture without warning. (Surprise!)

Science has to drop everything and concentrate on perfecting a method of moving water around via osmosis.

Either that, or I’m going to smell like a nanny goat in heat from now on.

I hate plumbing. I HATE IT! 😖

If Donald Trump was a thing, he’d be plumbing.

💦 💦💦💦 #IHATEPLUMBING! 💦💦💦💦